Leading Relationally

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Christian Living

Hey, Friends!  For the past two Sundays, I have been honored to share at two different churches (The Orchard in Tupelo, MS, and The Orchard Northside in Baldwin, MS) on the topic of Biblical Womanhood:  Leading Relationally.  I spoke along with three other awesome women,  who also happen to be dear friends.  I have to admit that it is very intimidating to speak on the topic of being a godly woman.  Why?  Because I know myself.  I know all the ways I am not a godly woman.  I wanted to spend most of the time giving disclaimers, citing examples of how I don’t live up to the standard.  But I only had 8 minutes to talk, so if I spent all my time talking about the truth about myself, I would not have had time to talk about the truth about Him—which is really the only truth that matters.  So, here is my talk in case you are interested!  Blessings, my friends!

Hi, I’m Sara Berry.  I am wife to Mont and Mother to seven great kids:  Katie, Ellie, Joseph, Troy, Joshua, Sally, and Charlie.  My topic is Leading through Relationship. I recently read about The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which may well be the longest study of adult life that’s ever been done. For 75 years, researchers tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, and their health. Over these 75 years, the study showed that the people who fared the best–physically, mentally, and emotionally–were the ones who leaned into relationships, with family, with friends, and with community.  Women and men alike are born with an innate need for connection.

Now, obviously, with such a large household, I am constantly dealing with relationships. I don’t have it all together, nor do I have it all figured out.  But I do value my relationships, just as I am sure most of you do.  And I have learned a few things along the way. If you hear nothing else from me today, I want you to hear and remember this:  Living a godly life, the type life we were created for, can be obtained by following two commandments.  Jesus said they were the greatest commandments.

Matthew 22:37-40 (New Living Translation)

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Love God, love others.  It really is quite simple and it can be applied to every relationship we have:  spouses, children, friends, parents, co-workers … apply these two commandments and your relationships will improve.  Slowly, healing will come, the crooked places will be made straight, the mountains will be leveled.  I am not trying to be trite.  I am not implying a Pollyanna-type theology.  Relationships can be hard and complicated and painful.  But all relationships can improve by applying these two commandments.  Love God.  Love others.

There is one catch, though.  We cannot reverse the order of the commandments.  We can’t love others, then maybe get around to loving God.  That is a recipe for dysfunction.   That is a path of making idols of our loved ones.  That is when expectations are never met, needs are never fulfilled, mistakes are never forgiven.  And why is that?

Because on our own, we are incapable of loving others unconditionally.  We are incapable of truly serving, completely forgiving.  We are incapable of always be present to meet needs, always understanding, always being the person others need us to be.  When we love others in our own strength, we will let them down.  And they will let us down.

However, when we love God first, the love of Christ fills us with the power of the Holy Spirit to love well, to forgive completely.  We must let go of our expectations of ourselves.  We can’t be God to someone else.  We must point them to God, who will never disappoint.  We also can’t expect others to fill the needs of our soul that only God can fill.  They are incapable of doing so and it is unfair to expect them to.  We will be disappointed every time.

To have truly healthy relationships, we must first connect with God.  We must love Him above all.  We must wrestle through the disappointments and pain of dealing with others, and realize that HE is enough.  When we have first connected with God, then we are equipped to connect with others.

Yes, all of us are born with an innate need for connection.  Mont and I have found that to be true as we have navigated through the waters of adoption.  When we adopted Sally and then Charlie, we knew that we must be intentional in developing a relationship with them.  We couldn’t take for granted that they would bond with us.  We had to work at it.  It took a long time for them to trust us.  Sally used to keep food in the roof of her mouth for hours.  We had to teach her to let it go on down her throat—that we would not let her go hungry.  Charlie used to panic when Mont or I left the house.  We had to teach him that we would not abandon him.  You see, even after they became a part of our family, they still occasionally acted like orphans.  And so do I.  The Bible tells us that we are all orphans until we are adopted into the forever family of God.  But even after we are adopted by our Heavenly Father, we still have to develop our trust in Him.  We have to cultivate relationship with Him in order to really believe He will never leave us nor forsake us.  Through our adoption journey, we were reminded of something along the way. This intentional development of relationship was not just the best approach for our adopted kids, but also for the kids I gave birth to.  And it was best for our marital relationship with each other, our relationships with extended family, with friends …. I bet you get the point.  We all have a sphere of influence, a place of leadership, and we will find that our leadership abilities will be much more effective and enjoyable if we take the time to develop relationship first.  Love God, then love others.

Some of my favorite women in the Bible wrestled with relationships, fought through the pain and disappointments only to discover that God alone could really meet their needs.

For example, Hannah had a deep longing for a child.  Even though her husband kindly tried to fill that relationship void, Hannah remained miserable.  When she finally surrendered to God, He fulfilled her longing with a son—Samuel.  But she had to give him back to the Lord. Because she had fully surrendered to God, she was then able to surrender her son to the Lord’s perfect plan.

Ruth had experienced much grief.  She lost her dearest love—her husband.  She is known for surrendering to God by remaining with her widowed mother-in-law.  She said, “Your people will be my people, your God, my God.”  Because of this surrender, God selected her to become part of the lineage of the Savior.

Leah was the ugly duckling, the forgotten wife.  She longed for relationship with her husband, Jacob, but his heart was set on another.  With each son born, her misery was revealed by the meaning of their names—each one symbolizing her desire for love of her husband.  Until her fourth child. When he was born, she surrendered to God.  This fourth child was named Judah, which meant, “this time I will praise the Lord.”  Period.  She surrendered her circumstances to God without trying to manipulate them, trusting God to bring about good in the midst of her pain.  And oh how He did bring about good!  Jesus came from the lineage of Judah.

Each of these examples shows an innate desire for relationship.  We long for relationship with others—husbands, children, parents, friends.  And that is a God-given desire.  But those relationships can never fulfill our deepest longings.  No, our deepest longings are only fulfilled when we surrender to God and begin a relationship with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  All other relationships fall into line under the headship of our relationship with Jesus. Love God, then love others.

Over the years, I have learned the most valuable lesson.  God is enough.  I must love Him more than Mont, more than my kids, more than my work, more than my friends.  I must love Him more, so that I am equipped to love others better.

To end, let me reiterate to you this truth:  God is enough.  Love Him more.  Love Him first, then go love others better.

Announcing New Book Release!

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Christian Living

Hey, Friends!

I am excited to announce a new book I have recently released.  A Broken Mirror is a novel based on an amazing, true story.  It is a story of abuse and adoption, tragedy and triumph, redemption and restoration.  My dear friend, Kelly Williams, lived it, I wrote it, but God did it!  If you are interested in ordering before Christmas, you may want to act soon!

A Broken Mirror

Blessing to you!

Sara

PS Take a look at the a brief summary of the book:

cropped-BookMockup.jpg

Abundant Life–Gifts of the Good Shepherd, Day 28

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Abundant Life-Gifts of the Good Shepherd Study Adoption Christian Living

I believe everyone longs to know their calling. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren was such a phenomenal and inspiring read and was embraced by millions of people. Why? Because deep down we all want to believe that we were born for a reason.

That we will leave this earth having made a difference.

That we will leave a mark on others, which will cause them to remember us.

We long for meaning in our lives and many times we waste a lot of time, money, energy, and relationships trying to find that meaning.

As Christians, we refer to this as the Call of God.

Sounds really formal doesn’t it? But it’s not really.

Think about your mother’s voice calling you in to dinner when you were a child.

Or a call from a dear friend with whom you haven’t spoken in a while.

Or what about the call of your child in the middle of the night, wanting to just be reassured that you are still close by.

These calls are familiar and dear to us, as should be the call of God to our souls.

Sometimes the call of God is a reproof—a call to attention. When Adam and Eve ate the apple, God called to them saying, “Where are you?” God, of course, knew where they were, but they needed to be aware of where they had ended up.

The Lord Himself made clothes for them to cover their shame. This was foreshadowing of the ultimate covering that would come … the covering of the Blood of Jesus. It is because of that covering we can be called and used by God.

Do you realize that no matter what ordinary wrappings you have, God sees you as a chosen one?

You did not choose me, I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—

fruit that will last.

John 15:16

 He chose you for a special appointment, just as he chose Moses for his special appointment.

Will you accept the appointment?

Will you choose your “chosen-ness”?

And then God says, “Go…Go and bear fruit”. Go bear the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.

And only with the power and anointing of the Holy Spirit, will it be healthy fruit that will last. Yes, people can do good things—things that help our society. Humanitarian and social efforts can produce good changes. But true, lasting fruit can only be produced when someone starts to realize and act like a chosen one who has accepted an appointment. With that first step, with that surrender of our own will and feeble efforts, God is pleased. And when God is pleased, great things begin to happen! We step aside, and He steps in. He uses our ordinary status, and brings about His extraordinary work.

What is your calling from God at this particular time in your life? Ask Him. He will gladly show you! And then, you will experience a fuller measure of His abundant life. Praying for you today!

Sara

Abundant Life–Gifts of the Good Shepherd, Day 27

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Abundant Life-Gifts of the Good Shepherd Study Christian Living

To experience all of the abundant life God has for us, we must surrender completely to Him and His will. Isaiah came to that moment of surrender in the year that King Uzziah died.

Isaiah 6:1–In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord…

You see, all our earthly “kings” must die before we see Him clearly in all His majesty. Our earthly “kings” cloud our vision, obstruct our view, deafen His call on our lives. What “kings” have you set up in your heart? What rules? Let those things die so you may see the Lord in all His glory.

Isaiah 6:1-4– In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;

    the whole earth is full of his glory.”

4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

When Isaiah saw this majestic and awesome sight, his reaction was not “Wow!” but it was “Woe!”

Isaiah 6:5–  “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

When we see God, really see Him, we can really see ourselves. And it is not a pretty picture. Even the best and purest among us, apart from the redemptive work of Christ, is as a filthy rag, unable to be used for anything eternally good. Seeing God in all His glory brings us to repentance.

Repentance is a solemn turning around–going in the opposite direction.

It means ceasing all comparison (i.e. Well, at least I am not like her…).

It means ceasing all excuses (i.e. Well, if that person had not done that thing, then I would not have…).

It means surrendering your whole life. (i.e. Lord, I am worse than I even imagined. But if you will have me, I am yours…)

And after repentance comes cleansing.

Isaiah 6:6-8– 6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

And after cleansing comes the abundance and privilege of being used of God.

When Isaiah saw God in His glory, he couldn’t help but surrender his whole life, now cleansed and ready to serve.

Isaiah 6: 8–I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Oswald Chambers had this to say about this passage.

God did not direct His call to Isaiah—Isaiah overheard God saying, “… who will go for Us?” The call of God is not just for a select few but for everyone. Whether I hear God’s call or not depends on the condition of my ears, and exactly what I hear depends upon my spiritual attitude. 

 What is the condition of your ears? We are all called by God. We are called to obey, to go, to speak, to be still and know that He is God. We are all called to sacrifice. We are called to take up our cross and follow Him. That sounds a bit frightening doesn’t it? But remember, as we die to self, as we accept covenantal sacrifice, we can also expect covenant blessings.

In the abundant life offered to us by our Good Shepherd, we are offered the great adventure of “going.” Think of this adventure as traveling with Jesus to unknown places of beauty and awe and wonder. We can go abundantly—equipped for every good work. And through this we receive abundance—rare and beautiful treasures found only in trusting Him and surrendering to Him.

We can go to others, offering the truth of abundant life, energized by the abundance He has provided for us each and every day as we walk closely with our Good Shepherd. We can go with our presence, go by supporting and sending others, or go by sending our resources.  With current technology, we can “go” to the ends of the earth without ever leaving our living room. It is my personal conviction that we must go strategically.

It doesn’t matter if you are male or female, young or old. Joshua was 80 years old when he led the people into the Promise Land. I can tell you that you will receive far more than you could ever give. Ask the Lord where He wants you to go. This adventure is abundant life.  Praying for you today!

Sara

 

Abundant Life–Gifts of the Good Shepherd, Day 26

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Abundant Life-Gifts of the Good Shepherd Study Adoption Christian Living

Abundant life yields rescue and redemption. We receive freedom in our own rescue and then we receive joy in being used of God in the rescue of others. Sometimes I hesitate to write about our adoptions. I never want anyone to think we have done something great. We haven’t. God has taken our lives and given us such abundant blessing through these adopted children, as well as our adored birth children. I often hesitate talking about our calling of adoption, because I don’t really like to tell others what to do. I don’t like the responsibility of encouraging others to step out in faith, though I know in my own experience this is the epitome of abundant living.

However, this whole idea of caring for orphans is not our idea—it is God’s. We are not here to put a guilt trip on anyone. But listen what the scripture teaches:

James 1:27– Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Helping orphans does not necessarily mean adoption. But we must all do something. Why? Because we were once orphans, too.

Romans 8:14-16– For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery [a]leading to fear again, but you have received [b]a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, 

I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you. “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you…”

One of the things adoption has taught me is that it is a reflective representation of God’s love.  When you are in the midst of an adoption, especially a foreign  adoption, you love a child who has no idea who you are.  You would gladly sacrifice time, money, and invasion of your life in order to know this child.

That is a picture to me of what God has done for us. He knew me way before I ever knew Him. He gave the ultimate sacrifice, so that now I can be a part of His greater family. And while His family is so much greater than my earthly family, our family is complete because of what He has done in us and through us.

So my friends, I urge you to ask the Lord how He wants you to step out in faith. Whatever that looks like, just do it. And you will find a deeper measure of abundant life. Praying for you today.

Sara