I had a good cry today.
I cried for our city, our state, our country, our world.
I cried for those COVID-19 patients that don’t know how this will all play out. Will they see their spouse again? Will they hug their kids again? Or will they slip from this world to the next, alone in quarantine?
I cried for high school seniors who are missing those last weeks which are supposed to be the crowning glory of their 12 years of schooling.
I cried for those athletes who worked so hard to train and prepare, only to have their season snatched away from them.
I cried for those grandparents secluded in nursing homes or even in their own homes, unable to spend time with their kids and grandkids.
I cried for all the doctors and nurses who are bravely giving care and comfort to scared, sick people, and who are coming home exhausted, terrified they are bringing the virus to their families.
I cried for the families of the medical community (including myself), who are confused about how to “socially distance” from their own spouses and fathers/mothers, because they may have been unknowingly exposed.
I cried for workers whose jobs are deemed “essential” and are still out in public, unable to shelter in place. And then I cried for all the other workers who are at home, because they can’t work. I can only imagine the fear they have. How they will pay their bills? How they will take care of their families? How will they even buy groceries to survive?
I had a good cry today.
I cried for our leaders in every arena who are trying to do the best they know how against an enemy that they have never known. There is no precedence for the decisions they have to make. And yet they are endlessly criticized and questioned. Truly, I am so very thankful I don’t have their job.
I cried because I miss normal. Don’t you miss normal?
And after I had a good cry, I reached up to wipe my tears away and caught myself just before I touched my face. Really? I have to be afraid of touching my own face? Lord, help us all!
But after I cried, I prayed. I worshipped. I remembered that all of God’s promises are yes and amen. I remembered that He will never leave us nor forsake us. I remembered that He is able to keep us from falling. I remembered that He will cause all things to work for our good, according to His purpose for our lives.
After I cried, I fixed a big lunch for my 17-year-old son. And I realized that my prayer to have more time and conversation with him during this last year and a half at home had been answered. Wanna ask me a question about William Blake’s poetry? I know a lot more than I did this time last week.
After I cried, I taught math to my little kids and saw their patience with me as they showed me how to do. And then we read together. I had forgotten how fun a pirate story is. And then I remembered how grateful I am for teachers who do this every day.
After I cried, my husband and I talked about the future, when all of this is over. How will it change us? What will we do differently? I want to learn from this, to grow from this. I want these uncertain days to grow my dependence upon the Only One who is certain.
And you know what? God has a lot to say about those times when we just need to have a good cry. Listen to His own words:
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
This time will end. Things will get back to normal. Though our lives have hit an unusual and unprecedented pause button, they will eventually resume. But even as we acknowledge this great truth, it is okay to have a good cry every now and then.