Learning to Trust

She did it again. I thought we were past that. I had read about this “orphanage behavior” before we got her. Honestly, out of all the behaviors we could have dealt with, I would have chosen this one. It is really rather mild. Still, it bothers me just a bit.

She “saves” food in the roof of her mouth. She eats a good meal, but the last bite she “saves”. She can save it for an hour or more.

“Let it go down your throat,” I say as I act it out by swallowing and running my hand down my throat.

She smiles—with her mouth closed, of course, so that last bite won’t fall out—and pretends like she is swallowing. But she doesn’t. She just saves it as long as possible.

Why? I guess “just in case.” Just in case she has to go without again? Just in case we don’t keep our promise to take care of her every need—and even most of her wants?

She doesn’t do this very often anymore. She is learning to trust us completely. But every once in a while she forgets, or rather doubts, that we are trustworthy.

I guess when I think about it, I do the same thing. Sometimes I have “orphanage behavior.” After all, scripture tells me I was an orphan, too, before I became apart of the family of God. And even though I now am securely at home with the Father, I still forget, or rather doubt, that He is truly trustworthy. I still want to hang on to things, just in case. I may pretend that I trust Him, but I don’t really, at least with certain things. So, He gently reminds me to “Let it go. Just let it go.”

So, that’s what I am going to do today. I am going to just trust my Father.